He takes e v e r y thing.

Mayapur: West Bengal: India

I don’t know how much longer I will be able to call Hawaii my  home.

Not that calling it home or not changes the fact that it is home for me, but the concept of actually relating myself, my life’s goals, my life’s foundation to her is no longer a tangible concept for me. 

The warm breezes, the sandy days, the sweet cream topped ice shaves and salty chapped sun-kissed skin. Everything that anyone could ask for in this world is there for me. It is there for me. Its sitting just there, relaxing as it always will be. . . 

But its not for me, anymore. 

 

A classmate of mine told us of how in South India Hindus are afraid of putting Lord Krsna on their altars with the demi-god they worship. When she asked why it was that they were afraid of putting Him on their, they explained that it was because Lord Krsna was not like the demi-gods, He wouldn’t grant your desires of wealth an fame like Lord Ganesha or Laxmi. Instead they said He would take everything away. He would take away wealth and fame.

And its true. He does take away everything. 

He takes away everything that we are attached to, that we think we love, or cherish.

But what He gives instead, what He gives instead these people have never concluded–Himself completely. He gives us an eternal loving relationship that no wealth or fame could ever, ever touch. 

And that is what Krsna has gone and done to me.

My taste in music, fashion, lazy days in Hawaii, surfing…everything. Its gone. Its lost in the waves of His echoing name. 

It makes me want to cry at times. Having to choose. Having to actually commit to Him, commit to Him more than I will commit to anyone else. Having to choose a path and stick to it! It seems so against my nature. 

Because it is. Because it is. Nature is telling me to enjoy, because that is why I came here. But after so many strikes out–I think I am willing to try another technique. 

Its scary.

My old life is like a love affair that can’t go on any longer. 

I am feeling really torn. And it is because I don’t know what to call home–

_______________________________________

 

On another note:

My roommates are convinced that there is a ghost who lives amongst us at our cozy house outside in the jackal screaming area in the grassy fields of the world outside ISKCON Mayapur.

They say she turns on the light at night and closes doors. I think its a case of old fashion sleep walking, but no one will admit to it. I’m not sure either way though, because taking into light we do have a gecko acting as an alarm clock. He doesn’t work like a regular alarm you see, where you decide when it goes off. He has an ego this gecko, and he wakes my roommates up for Mungal arti every morning even though they don’t have any intention to attend.

 

He he he. 

My home is no longer where the misty ocean breeze sprays from cliffsides. Kaloli cliffs, Big Island, Hawaii.