what if.

 

So, I guess Krsna read my blog.

He started giving me a bunch of things all at once that were too much to handle and very much not expected or desired. Sounds about right.

Things I couldn’t of imagined happening are all some how flying their way into my direction at full speed with no intention of slowing before impact. 

 

Its cold here in Belgium, and its only Fall. I don’t know how to anticipate the Winter.

Im feeling really under-qualified for my sponsorship and attendance at the Bhaktivedanta College.

I can think of hundreds of nice devotee kids who could do better and deserve better, who are more sincere, more humble, who have less faults, less drama, less broken promises, less fumbled relationships, and superficial dealings, hurtful words spewed our of control at loved ones, wasted days without an ounce of a thinking about you….

And so many other “sins.” i don’t even know why i deserve such a beautiful opportunity…

I read the book “Dharma….” something or other on the way here by Srila Prabhupada of course. It was exciting to see that I did learn some things in Bhakti Sastri!

Ahhhhh! The expectations have risen, and i am not sure i am worthy to stand the flood. Some people at my home temple have joked that i should give class when i return, like i will ever be advanced enough to do that. Ever. 

Sometimes i feel like ISKCON needs a “Running Start” or like a Special Ed. organization for us slow ones, so that we can catch up to the rest of everyone else. There is a lifetime of knowledge, i mean lifetimes of knowledge, how does everyone find the time!? 

My feet have already begun to freeze. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Random piece of info: Someone told me i was going to say “wtf” the other day in a sentence. So weird, i really never ever say that…

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